Thievery Thursday

(S)Helter Skelter

providing animals with homes since 1974

We are an animal rescue facility located in Any Town, USA. We thrive in uniting our animals with deserving families.

All that we require of our adopting families is:

1. A current drivers license
2. 17 character references
3. Photographs of your home
4. A $10,000 nonrefundable deposit
5. 3 current pay stubs
6. The name and references of your pet nanny
7. Your medical records
8. A criminal background check
9. A signed affidavit promising that you have no other pets or children in your home
10. You must undergo a polygraph test to verify your reasons for wanting a pet

Now, lets meet our pets.

This is Obediah. He likes to growl, bite, run away, mess on carpets, eat homework, dig up gardens, and jump on small children. Obediah would like a home with a pool and jacuzzi.

This is Calls to Clouds. He fell out of the nest as a baby and has special needs as a result. He likes to squeal/chirp, peck at eyes, walk around in circles, poo on cars, and sit on eggs. Calls to Clouds would like to live on a beach front property. This is Lady Mew. She enjoys yawning, sleeping, eating tapestry, and hissing. Lady Mew would like to be placed in a family of mutes.
On to another cat, this is Mr. Bigglesworth. He likes mauling, hunting, growling, pouncing, and the smell of fear. He has been difficult to place because his owners always pass away after adoption. Mr. Bigglesworth would like to be placed with a family that won't die after he joins it. He would also prefer to live on a farm because he loves other animals.
And last but not least is Miss Fishems. She enjoys swimming, gasping for air, being hit on the head with a mallet, getting grilled in butter, and being served on a platter.

Open your hearts and your homes, today.